As this turning point takes place I’ll be posting podcasts/posts every two, tree, four or so weeks or when I get inspired to write something that runs at a higher level than I’ve been currently publishing. Hopefully this absence from online media will give me more time and energy to focus on the life I’m dedicated to creating, and as a result, future content of this blog will rise to a higher level and I’ll be able to provide the kind of value through this blog I always hoped for.

So just wanted to let you know, once you start wondering, I’m still going to be around and I’m still alive and that I’m going to be placing all of my energy where it’s most effective. Before I’m back here full force it may be 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 9 months, I really don’t know. How ever long it takes.

Great things are ahead!

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This podcast is actually based on a guest post I wrote, Every One Promotes, a few months ago at Glenn Danker’s blog.

I already know how much I suck at speaking and it juices me to know I can at least improve!:)

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You don’t need to know what you don’t need

If you ask someone to spent four years of their life in college will tell you it was a “great learning experience” but they never learned anything about on the job activities. In other words it got them a job with a yearly salary of 36K, barely enough to pay bills and rent/mortgage never mind other little things that add up…oh and student loans. If you don’t need to know something, don’t muck up your brain. Time is too important. For example, the other day I was installing Kubuntu on a computer for one of the people I serve, and a screen came up asking which processor we use. I didn’t know … so what did I do…take a crash course on computer processors? Hell no…all I did was Google it…it took a max of 3 minutes. No degree needed. No college experience needed…maybe I can spend those 4 years building wealth so I can sun tan while everyone else is still looking for a job.

Challenge old ways of thinking and learn new ways

Why do old companies die, old people live in the past and old habits die hard? This is why…they’re all based on the past! What worked back then wont work now days. Lately, the world has had a habit of rearanging itself every few years. If you stick to your outdated way of thinking you’ll get rearranged out of a job. Don’t pre-suppose that just because something has been done the same for decades or cenuries that it’s been proven. It may been been proven 40 years ago but might not make any sense now days.

Learn Timeless Principles

There are laws that dictate time and space, there are also laws that dictate our finances, our business, what we do subconsciously, the friends we make and the person we become. Timeless principles don’t change with time but rather prove themselves with time. Make it a habit to get curious about life and learn principles that dicatate life. This way, whether you’re in a down economy or the horse and buggy age you’ll know more about life than the people who study the markets, or stay stuck in practices that were rendered ineffective years ago. Principles are more important in an age where things can change over night than in any other age.

Learn how to speed seduce life

Who makes the most money in a free enterprise system? People who know how to leverage resources, money and time to serve them. These are the entrepreneurs, leaders, CEOs, salespeople, connectors and inventors. In all my reading and learning I constantly look for ways to leverage. How can I leverage time? How can I leverage one spending habit or one working habit that makes a long term difference on my income? Even learning is leveraging. Because if you’re constantly learning to leverage everything, you’re leveraging your life. People who rely purely on conventional wisdom stay at the bottom of the bin.

Conclusion

So again, don’t spend time learning what you don’t need to know. There are very few wealthy PHds, so that should tell you something. Challenge old ways of thinking and learn new ways, the past is the enemy of the future. The past is gone so prepare for the future, all your hope is in it. Learn Timeless Principles…practices are great but even practices go out of date. And finally, learn how to speed seduce and leverage life and use the latest human and computer technologies to simplify and streamline various aspects of your life.

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Stay tuned, I might be recording videos for YouTube eventually as well.

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“The most common road to mediocrity is being realistic.” – Will Smith

Ever notice something about realistic people?

… 90% of the time … they’re broke!

Realistic people can’t stand change. Realistic people are usually cynical about change, paradigm shifts, new ideas and anything that clashes with their secure world. Realistic people will snear at you in the beginning … but loose in the end. Realistic people stay stuck in a frame of mind that only exists in usually the past. Realistic people don’t believe they can ever do anything other than what has already been done. Realistic people are mediocre at best.

Who wants to be realistic?

Let me tell you about unrealistic people. The people who make real differences in this world usually aren’t tallying up the odds, and they aren’t coming up with endless reasons why something can’t work. They don’t care what’s realistic. Let me ask you a question, what the hell in this world is realistic? We wake up every day and do things people would have thought were impossible 20-30 years ago. What if you tried to explain the Internet to someone in 1985? You’d probably have been told your brains are fried. Unrealistic things are happening every day. And if you think being realistic is going to create the kind of life you want, you’re sadly mistaken. Even though things are changing so rapidly every day, we still have the time to sit back and decide what is realistic and what’s not. BS! There is no such thing as realistic and there is no such a thing as unrealistic. The only thing that doesn’t change is your belief of what is “suppose” to happen. Only you can change that.

“The 95% of realistic people in this world work for the 5% of unrealistic people.” – Will Smith

The unrealistic people rule the world. Is it realistic to be the chairman of a top Fortune 500 company? Is it realistic to train your whole life to win a gold medal? Is Open Source software outperforming technology giants realistic? It’s scary to think what the world would be like if some of the great inventors of our time would have been realistic people, who payed close attention to the odds against them. We blame this stuff on luck, or someone who had a fluke opportunity. Even success-minded people fall into this trap. But a few of us know this: when you think unrealistically, it opens a new space in your mind that didn’t exist there before, a higher level of thinking. Albert Einstein said that “a problem can’t be solved at the same level of thinking that it was made at.”

Here’s a question to ask yourself: Am I realistic and in what situations am I realistic? Make sure you pay close attention to the answers you give yourself.

Next time someone tells you something is unrealistic, your answer should be … “Compared to what?”

A good belief to instill in yourself is that nothing is impossible if you really want it bad enough and do whatever it takes. Maybe it takes working late and starting early, a sickening work ethic, relentless repetition until it works. Just take someone who has accomplished something, that you would consider, nearly impossible and use them as a role model. What makes your little challenges so hard to defeat? Are you even giving 10% of what you could?

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Your body will only allow you to stare at a computer screen for so long until your eyes turn to chock and your memory slips like a skipping disk. In the case of burnout, you probably blank out in the middle of conversation or zone out when someone asks you a question. Basically, when you burn out, your mind is just overworked. Maybe you have a zillian things to do in a few days time and as the days go by your interest diminishes.

I’m not a big advocate of the 4 Hour Work Week type of thinking. Sure life isn’t all work. But when you find yourself broke, don’t look for a “4 Hour Work Week”, just work towards your dreams and choose your hours as you go. Being committed to your dreams means doing what it takes, it takes more than a few hours a week and it often means raising the bar. Too many people are looking for a fast and easy way to be entrepreneurs. It doesn’t often happen. Even Tim Ferris, author of 4 Hour Work Week, had some major lessons to learn early in his entrepreneurial career.

There are a few things you can leverage to decrease burnout and get more done. They don’t mean that you’ll never be tired again, but you’ll be able to operate at a much higher level and get more juice out of life. My explanation for burnout is running your engine and never changing the oil. The first one is to simplify, organize and eliminate. Much of burnout is just inability to focus well on everything from things that aren’t important to average importance. Don’t decide to start a business, go to college, work a full time job and become an author all at the same time. Decide what’s good in your life and what’s great and choose between the two. You can’t have one or the other and be a success. Will Smith calls it, paraphrased … “being focused, not being in 100 different things at the same time, mastery takes laser like strong focus.” For example, I said no to learning to play guitar, to going to college and to a number of other things. All of these were “good” but I chose to focus on the “great” which was worth much more to me … Say no to more people more often. Schedule your time and set priorities. Don’t give your direct phone number to every client(especially if you have a large client base). Be like an executive at a large organization: checking every activity, finding ways to cut out steps, measuring the gains and the costs, outsourcing to save time and money–innovating to run at a higher level with lower maintenance. Put weight only on the valuable tasks. Put time where it’s valued. Three hours of social networking won’t be the best return on your time. Checking e-mail every 15 minutes will turn a 8 hour day into a 16 hour day. Get rid of access projects and worthless activities.

The second is to take care of your health and rest often. Things like smoking, consuming too much sugar, not taking breaks from staring at a screen for long periods of time or sitting at a desk all day will eventually take its toll on your health. Maybe you don’t exercise enough, maybe you don’t take the weekends off, maybe you don’t socialize enough. This is all vital, not only to your physical health but also to your mental health. Studies show that Americans are one of the most sleep impoverished people in the world. On top of that we don’t get enough oxygen, not breathing deeply enough and not going out side and we don’t drink enough water. And…we literally eat shit, called fast food. It’s an amazement our minds can still function! High productivity calls for high energy, high energy comes from putting the right things in your body.

Scheduling the weekends off to do something fun is something we should all consider non-negotiable. First thoughts are always, “I can’t afford to miss two days of work” … hey, you can’t afford NOT to! Great ideas come on the weekends, the ground work is done on the week days. Keeping the big picture in mind is key to knowing whether your actions are worth doing. And that brings us to number three…constantly reviewing the destination.

It’s easy to just work away like a crazed ape, burn out and crash, and then find out that what you were doing had nothing to do with what you were trying to accomplish. Setting goals is simple, even though most people never do it. If you can manage to join the minority that sets goals, you’re closer but it’s not enough: you actually have to follow through. The second mistake is that people follow through but fail to assess their actions and end up in the wrong direction, or fall short. Constantly tracking yourself is critical in knowing how far you are. Every night ask yourself, what did I do today and how much closer am I to my destination?

You must have reasons enough to trigger that drive inside of you. Some people live off that drive alone. If you can find strong enough reasons to do something you’ll most likely do it with a lot of passion.

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Picture taken from Microsoft Clipart

In the world today, the most influential people, the highest income people and the most loved people are all leaders with powerful leadership. Without leaders, organizations cannot run or move efficiently and effectively. Without powerful leadership, there will be chaos and people will be lost. Only powerful leaders can lead the lost and bring the light to direct them to the right directions. Therefore, leaders are needed everywhere to lead people in the organization to the common goal … which the leader and their followers share.

Before you read on, ask yourself these 2 questions:

#1 Would you be interested to know how ordinary people like you and me can be powerful leaders and have powerful leadership?

#2 Would you want to know tips which you can get started to grow and become into a powerful leader overtime? (notice I used the word overtime and not overnight)

In this blog post, I will be sharing the hidden truth behind powerful leadership.

Before I get started, I would like to clarify something. Leadership is a skill which you and everyone can learn. Some people have it shown more obviously while others may not show it so much but it is perfectly alright as you can learn step by step.

Since you will be reading more later, would it be okay if I share why I wrote this blog post?
(Oh well, I am going to share it anyways! Haha!)

I was watching this video by the faculty member Patricia Fripp and I was so inspired thus, I decided to share what I learned. To know more information where I watch the videos, Click Here

So I have been using the word “Leadership” so I covered the importance of Leadership above, so what exactly is the definition of Leadership?

Leadership means the ability to know what have to be done and then get people to do it. Through this definition, it explains that Leadership is a combination of 3 elements; Clarity (Know what has to be done) and Teamwork (working in a team of more than 1 person) and Leverage (Getting results through other people).

Now I will share the 7 Hidden Truths of Powerful Leadership

1st Hidden Truth of Powerful Leadership
-The Principle of Leadership is the Same and Timeless.
-This means what powerful leaders or successful leaders use are the same whether it is in the past, present or future.
-This means you can learn from powerful leaders in the past like Winston Churchill, in the present like Edward Kennedy.
-You can follow the basic principles which are taught about Leadership by various leaders like John C Maxwell.

2nd Hidden Truth of Powerful Leadership
-Good Environment
-You will need to provide a good environment for people if you wish to lead them
-An example would be to have a clean and safe environment for people to work in as this will be provide the people with an incentive to want to follow you
-I believe people will only follow your leadership if you have them in mind

3rd Hidden Truth of Powerful Leadership
-Your Expectations
-Tell the people whom you will lead about your expectations.
-By letting them know, you give them clarity thus the expectations which you state will give them something to think about before following you.
-They will think whether the expectations which you state are what they believe in or what they want
-What they will be doing, who will they doing it for and why they are doing it.

4th Hidden Truth of Powerful Leadership
-Talking to people to improve your Leadership
-As a powerful leader, you should talk to people in your company or organization or even leaders of other organization.
-You should not only talk to leaders in your company but also to what we call as the “real people”. The “real people” are people who work for you and they do most of the work like calling of clients, administrative and even cleaning. These people give you insights and pointers on how effective your leadership is, whether they are satisfied with how you lead, the decisions you make.
-Talking to other leaders will give you a perspective on how they lead and you can learn a thing or two from them as well

5th Hidden Truth of Powerful Leadership
-Model
-What is a better way to lead than to be a living example of what you expect and your values.
-People will follow your Leadership if you actually practise what you say.
-What do you think?

6th Hidden Truth of Powerful Leadership
-Encourage
-The power of encouragement is so important.
-Do not underestimate the power of encouragement as it can motivate your employees, followers to work even harder for you.

7th Hidden Truth of Powerful Leadership
-Let happen
-Let happen means things must happen, action must be taken.
-With all the talk of direction, it will be nothing but an illusion if no action is taken.
-Therefore, a powerful leader should not only Talk the Talk but Walk the Walk.

Now you know the 7 Hidden Truths Behind Powerful Leadership and how you can become a powerful leader. If you are looking to become a very powerful leader and a successful leader as well,  you need to look at other leadership secrets which are not discussed in this short blog post. We have briefly discussed the hidden truths of powerful leadership and for more information on tips on leadership secrets, please visit our website. Click Here to find out more…

About the Author: This is blog post is written by GlennDanker. Glenn started a blog to teach people about finance, personal and business development. Glenn explains that the reason why he writes is because “On many occasions, my parents quarreled on this topic of ‘Money’. Issues like not having enough money, who to pay which bills…these are the main issues which caused my family to fall apart.“ and his love for teaching others drives him to teach others so that, as he explains it, “to share with my readers personal development and business education so that they would be able to improve their business or their relationships. I do not want another people to share the same fate as me.“ Glenn obviously has the talent and the passion to change other people’s lives and has the experience and the “WHY” the back it up. Click Here to Visit GlennDanker’s Blog and learn more about him.

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We could say that the difference is in their mind-set, the goals they set and so on. All this makes a difference. However the biggest difference is the standards people set for themselves. Standards play a massive role in success. We don’t always get our goals, but we always live up to our standards. Standards are musts. Some people’s musts are to provide for their family, and other’s might be, not only to be a provider, but to build wealth for generations to come. What people really mean when they say, “I have to” is that it’s a standard they’ve set for themselves and anything lower means massive pain.

When I started recognizing this I started setting looking at what I did differently. Before the fact I was purely a possibility person. I didn’t have enough musts but I had a lot of shoulds, and there’s a world of difference. See most middle-class people’s musts are “pay the bills, save for retirement, provide for family, spend a few quality hours a day with kids.” The difference between the middle-class and the world-class, is not only that they think differently, but that they set higher standards. See before my mentality was, “all I NEED is enough to get by, but I WANT to be wealthy.” What’s the problem here? Income was only a should, and as a result, I was broke. After setting a high income as a must, things changed over night.

“The middle-class’s shoulds are the world-class’s musts!” – Clinton Skakun

To get a clearer picture about this let me give you a classic example: If you work a job, and work morning shifts, chances are you set your alarm early. Has there ever been a time when you woke up 5 minutes before you had to be somewhere. Did you lay there and try to convince yourself to get up? No…you probably panicked and jumped out of bed, ran to get dressed and ran out the door. Getting to work on time was a must for you and for a few reasons(mad boss, work ethic, etc). Now what happens on a day where you “should” get out of bed? You reach over and hit “snooze” and then wake up two hours later. What would you do if you knew that at 8:00am your bed was going to burst into flames? You’d probably get up before your alarm went off, now that hitting “snooze” might mean death! Now if staying alive isn’t a must for you, I don’t know what is.

“You don’t use your full capabilities, you only rise to your personal standards.” – Clinton Skakun

So what’s the real difference between a must and a should? Well, a must is something that you must do to be who you are…your identity. Why do people have trouble quitting smoking? Because usually they just focus on behavior, or cravings…but in their gut they still view themselves as a “smoker.” As long as they see themselves as a smoker, changing behavior will be extremely painful and they’ll keep coming back. Why? Because we always act consistent with our identity. But if you smoke a few cigarettes, and you say, “I’m not this type of person! I’m not a smoker!” then you will most likely take action to stop smoking, because of your subconscious need to stay consistent with your identity. People stay consistent with their identities whether their identities are negative or not. The labels you hold to yourself, will mean you will have to act in consistency with those labels. Have you ever believed that you’re “stupid”, “not a hard worker”, “someone who can never get a hot girl on a date”, “not tech savy”? You see … it’s not apart of your capabilities, it’s apart of your identity. I’ll give you an example: most, if not everyone, is capable of murder, but not everyone murders. Why not? Why wouldn’t you murder someone? You might say, “Well, I’m just not that type of person, I’d never do that.” It’s not apart of your identity, you don’t view yourself as a murderer, and so you don’t think or act like a murderer. The amazing thing is that you can change your identity by giving yourself different labels through, for instance, the roles you play in life(e.g. “I’m a scientist”), your emotions(e.g. “I’m mostly a happy person”), your talents(e.g. “I’m great at computers”) and so on and so forth. The thing to remember is, we act on who we feel we are in our gut. That has to be a gut level change, not just an intellectual one.

“Our identity can be grafted to allow us fuller access to our capabilities. If you don’t choose your own identity, someone else will, and your life will be colored by someone else, not you.” – Clinton Skakun

Here’s some action steps for you to take: find out which areas of your life are suffering because your standards are just too low. It could be anywhere in your life from how you spend your time to how you spend your money. Set new standards, throw away your shoulds. Quit “shoulding” all over your self! Saying, “I could/should be making $10k a month where I work but…” is completely different then “I’m going to make $10k this month if it takes 10 hours a day or 20 hours a day.” What happened if you had a son who needed surgery, and he only had 2 months to live, would you sit around and say, “well you know I should try to get him into surgery but I just don’t have enough time this week” Are you kidding? You’d search all over the world for a surgeon would could perform the operation, you’d even take out a loan, even if you had to re-mortgage your house, to get this surgery done! It wouldn’t be a should, it would be an absolute must! Isn’t that true? So what standards have you set in your life? For me, mediocrity was living way below my standard. Financial independence is a must, and even though I’m not there yet, I work towards it constantly. Because a picture of me at 50 years old, working a regular job is the worst kind of pain imaginable. Why is that so bad? Because I won’t be able to take care of my parents, I won’t be able to provide for my future family in a way that meet my standards(there’s that work again) and all those possibilities will be out of my reach. It’s all in what standards you set for yourself. Because, you always live up to your standards, not always your goals. Set big goals, and then set high standards to meet them. So, who are you? A few questions to ask yourself.

“You must demand more of yourself than anyone else could ever ask of you.” – Clinton Skakun

Please read this post a few times. In my opinion this is one of the most important blog posts I’ve ever written. Your life doesn’t get really juicy until you start demanding more from yourself. And you start at your identity and the standards you set for yourself. Why you do anything else really depends on who you are.

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Let’s talk about what you do for a living. Probably the most important state you can be in when “holding out” for your business or job is one of absolute certainty, coming from a place of conviction for what you do. The reason I say this because until you do … you’ll never give 150% of yourself and you’ll never feel as fulfilled as you could have. And for many of us, there’s nothing worse than being closer to being more mediocre than you have to be. If you don’t feel, in your gut and not just in your head, that what you do is 100% right … for YOU and right for the people you serve, you’ll always be constrained.

If you don’t have absolute conviction, or at least be in the process of developing that conviction, about what it is you do … you have NO business doing what you do. If you’re not convinced that what you do is 100% right for you, QUIT and go do something that is. Something that you dream about, can’t stop talking about and are completely passionate about and that shows through your voice when you speak. A person I highly respect and look up to said that, “Conviction is the most valuable state that you can transfer to your prospect.” Prospects don’t “get sold” on products, they “get sold” on states. Your enthusiasm is catching and one of the strongest mental and emotional states you can have, besides maybe love. Enthusiasm comes after you fall in love with your career, after you commit yourself whole heartedly to what you do.

Tony Robbins, probably an author who has the most impact on the basis of my thinking, says in his tapes, seminars and books that when you are approaching/meeting with/speaking to a prospect you need to work yourself into a frenzy of strong conviction so that no matter what objections, excuses, questions or negative statements the prospect throws at you … you have complete certainty that you will be able to reach from within and handle them in the most certain and persuasive way possible. Because if you’re not convinced, it will be even harder to convince your prospect. And you do this by being totally congruent in your words, thoughts, tone of voice, body language, mental state and actions. Enthusiasm is the most “catching” emotion, people will often listen to you purely because of the level of enthusiasm you display! Robbins also stresses many times that, if there’s rapport, the person who is most certain in themselves will influence the other person or people. Who is the most certain? The person who has the most certainty backing them up. Ever notice how the person who makes the most excuses will always be the most submissive? Either that or they get aggressive. Being certain is also about being truthful with yourself.

I’m sure there have been times in your life, and hopefully often, when you were so certain in yourself that it seemed like everyone you came in contact with stepped aside for you and looked up to you. Everything seemed to go in your favor to a certain extent, people were more friendly to you than usual, everything that happened was a blast, even problems seemed fun to handle. … Never confuse confidence or certainty with ego … ego is being a ass hole to cover up for the lack of conviction, the lack of purpose and lack of confidence. In fact when you dig deeper into people who seem to have the biggest ego in the world, you find that they are living a bluff, inside they’re dying and to hide the fact, they cover themselves with what psychologists call “nail polish” to cover up the shit. Egotistical people just haven’t yet understood that beneath the shit, there’s a diamond and the diamond is the true personality. And we often find that the real person under all that ego is much more impressive than their bluff cover up. When you are truly convinced in your own value and the value of your company an what you can do for other people, you don’t need ego, in fact people will look up to you and become attracted to your enthusiasm. You may not be the best looking person in the world, but your certainty in yourself is ten times more attractive because of the self-esteem that’s so rare that it’s often only portrayed by the world class, the most charismatic, the most influential and the most successful.

This is KEY: When “selling yourself” and prospecting(finding people to serve), you must be more certain that the person on the other side of the table needs your product or service than they are that they don’t.—you must be more certain than they are. How many times have you botched a “large deal” because you lacked conviction that this person needs your services more than they think they don’t? Maybe thoughts would have gone through your head like, “this person isn’t interested” or “why would they choose my business when they could XYZ?”

One thing that has caused me to self-sabotage my successes and caused me to blow golden opportunities over and over again is being self conscious about little things like, “what if I don’t know how to answer a question? [or] what if they think I lack credibility because I’m too young? [or] Will they use a fancy ‘business-term’ that I don’t understand and make a fool out of myself? [or] they might detect my nervousness… [or] Hopefully I’m not too causal/too dressed up… [or] what if I pour coffee all over the client’s pants?” These thoughts are as common as they are stupid! Imagine how stupid these kinds of limiting thoughts are! The funny thing is, most people are more nervous talking to YOU than you are talking to them, and usually they don’t have the fancy vocabulary you thought they’d use to trip you up and tare you apart with. Are you well read? Have you had experience? Do you have big dreams and goals? Drive to get there? You may lack a few of these but one thing is critical: YOU MUST HAVE CONVICTION and YOU MUST BE MORE CERTAIN THAN THEY ARE!

What do you do when people think you’re crazy for what you’re doing? Have more certainty that what you’re doing is more valuable than they are certain that you’re nuts. What do you do when your neighbors, parents, friends etc etc tell you to go “get a job”? Responding with a little weak voice like, “well … um .. uh .. you’re w-wrong .. um .. sir.” They’re going to tare you to shreds!

I can’t stress how important this power of being convinced in your own value is. Even animals are convincing when they are certain in themselves. Ever notice how pets, like dogs, pretty much live for food. They believe that food is the ultimate source of pleasure, they don’t have mixed feelings like, “well, what would that cat would think if I eat this slab of meat?” No! They’re fully congruent, they’re body, tiny brain and tone of bark(or meow) is saying, “I’m 100% certain I’ll going to scarf that beef down!” They don’t get bogged down and get mixed feelings about what they want, like humans do. When Tony Robbins was younger he worked for Jim Rohn selling tapes and books. He told the story about how when he started, he had to find someone to loan him the money to get his business going: “I put myself in such a frenzy of conviction that no one could escape my grasp! No one could tell me they couldn’t afford what I was selling. At 17, living in my $900 VW I parked at 7/11, I had found someone who loaned me the money. No 33-year-old could tell me they couldn’t afford what I was selling, even with bad credit. I believed in what I was selling so strongly that I broke every record they ever dreamed of and sold to absolutely everyone I sat down with that month.” (At 19 Tony Robbins was making nearly $10,000 month)

This is the question you need to ask yourself: Am I 100% convinced in what I do? Do I offer real value and do I feel it, not just intellectually, but in my gut as well?

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People love to talk about themselves a lot. If you learn how to leverage this you can turn into an amazing conversationalist. A book first published over 80 years, that has sold millions and millions of copies since, called How to Win Friends & Influence People says that being a great conversationalist has nothing to do with how interesting you are, or how well you can talk. It’s about how well you listen and how interested you are in the other person. Empathetic listening isn’t just “hearing” the person, it’s putting yourself in their shoes and seeing the world from their view in order to better understand them.

Below I’ve listed four benefits of Empathetic Listening, also known as Active Listening. These are both from personal experience and bits and pieces from studying. Empathy is putting yourself in the other person’s situation and understanding that your world is as much fiction as anyone else’s out there. If you go through life viewing the world from other people’s paradigms, you’ll be surprised at how much of a better understanding you have of the world and of why people do things:

1. Creates Rapport, Builds Trust and Charisma Towards the Listener

Funny enough, people think you’re a great conversationalist when you listen to them talk. It almost doesn’t matter who’s doing the talking, as long as there’s a connection, interest in the topic and the conversation partner feels understood. Have you ever been around a person who listens to you until they aren’t interested in the topic and then they withdraw and say, “I don’t know anything about that..” It makes you feel disconnected from them and makes you feel that what you’re saying is of low value. Listening, even if you have no interest in the topic at hand, builds rapport and self-esteem in the person being listened to. It says, “what you’re saying is interesting.”

2. Teaches You Things You Didn’t Know

One of the best ways to learn to things is to hear it first hand, from another person. This goes back to surrounding yourself with people you want to become like. I’m around 6 and 7-figure earners a few times a week, and do you think I don’t listen when they speak? If you’re not learning from other people, you’re not listening enough.

3. Gives You the Keys of Influence

How do you influence someone? By using your own motivation strategy or by understanding what they’re motivated by and using their motivation strategy? You’d better! Because you won’t motivate them worth a shit if you rely your own motivation strategy on everyone you run into. The only way to do this is … you guessed it. Listen to them. Elicit their meta-programs, their reasons for making choices. You can learn more about Meta-programs and why people make choices through the study of Neuro-linguistic programming(NLP).

4. Gives You Appreciation and Understanding for the Other Person

Listening to other people gives you appreciation. Having appreciation for humanity is probably something anyone can have more of. You’ll be a very dull person if you think that the only experiences that matter have happened to you. Remember, your life is just as much science fiction as going to other planets or traveling time. Every story has it’s own set of rules to support it. Maybe traveling time is possible in a story book compared to your own version of reality. The story book has its own set of rules, your life story has its own set of rules. And since when has any kind of reality been believable? What makes your perception of “reality” more real than anyone else’s? Nothing does! That’s why you have to learn to understand and appreciate other people’s views on the world. It’s kind of an adventure.

What are some tools you can use to become a better listener?

First of all you need to sacrifice tell your story all the time. Be aware of your own tenancies to jump in and start telling your story. Second, listen twice as much as you speak. God gave you two ears and one mouth, use them accordingly. Tom Hopkins says, “The person who is talking is learning is not learning.” Often times, people are too busy talking to stop and think about what the other person is thinking. I think Stephan Covey hit the nail on the head when he said in his book, “Some people listen only because they know their turn to talk is coming up next.” Third, ask good questions about their life, how much do you really know about this person? It’s amazing how asking things like, “What do you do for a living?” and “Where did you live before?” can strike up a 5-10 minute conversation. If you don’t know a whole lot about a person chances are they won’t feel very close to you. Don’t interrogate and stay out of “touchy” areas unless that person delves into it. Forth, remember what you heard and use it as a conversation topic later on. People feel important when you remember where they work, their current set of problems, what their dreams are, the names of their kids etc etc. Five, don’t filter another person by your beliefs or value system. Understanding and agreeing with another person are two different things. There are those who feel obligated to yell out, “I totally disagree.” But don’t do this because this is NOT about you! Understand where the person is coming from and you’ll have the tools to influence them to your own way of thinking. Understand them now, judge later. That way there will be no chance of pre-judging.

I hope this post has given you an understanding of how empathetic listening is important and how you can apply it. There’s one exercise I’d like you to try for a few days: Devote yourself to learning more about the people around you… How much do you really know about people that you come in contact with on a daily basis? Ask other people more questions and don’t tell your own “story” unless it’s to break the ice, to relate or if someone asks. Your goal should be to know more about the other person than they know about you. Not saying that you shouldn’t tell people when they ask about you, just don’t do it unless you’re asked. There have been many times where I’ve had conversations and the other person barely knew anything about me but I knew a tone about them. Did I feel left out or misunderstood? Hell no! Why would I waste half an hour talking about myself, someone I already know, when there’s someone right in front of me I could be learning about and building rapport with.

Always remember that you need to act in compassion: We live in a stimulus response world, people constantly react, you need to respond to be in control. If you learn how to act in compassion, even if the other person doesn’t, you’ll be in control of yourself and anyone you run into.

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger … The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.” – quoted from Proverbs

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post:) Please comment.

Actions Steps to Take:

• Show emotion when listening to other people. Nod, smile or laugh, put some weight on what they say.
• Ask your kids or teenagers if you’re a good listener. Kids are most sensitive to feeling misunderstood. They’re often more honest then you are to yourself.
• Come up with good questions to ask people to make conversations more interesting.
• Model people who you identify as being a good listener.
• Become extremely interested in other people, what they do, where they live, their hobbies, their family, etc.
• Focus on the person who’s talking, don’t let your eyes wander around the room … but … don’t stare them into a trance either.
• Create pictures in your mind about what the person is talking about.

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